Survive Black Friday


Who is getting up at 5 am to go shop on Black Friday? I might, why not, the thrill of fighting for your life and electronics is fun. After reading article after article about Black Friday, I came along the following steps realized that they could help us on this freaky frenzie filled Friday.

Watch the crowd
The mood of the mob will let you know if that superstore just isn’t going to open fast enough to prevent a riot. Plan your evacuation route in advance. Think Houdini thoughts.

2. Stay upright
Falling down in the middle of a stampede is very, very bad. Lower your center of gravity: Duck your head and shoulders, tighten your tummy muscles, and wrap your arms around your waist like you’re hugging yourself. Think sumo thoughts.

3. Go sideways
Moving against the herd is dumb. Letting it move you — also dumb. Try to head sideways to the edge of the mob. If you do go down, assume the fetal position with hands clasped behind your neck. Think armadillo thoughts.

Contributed by Rachel Dovey

More effective, however, would be to avoid shopping altogether on this day, and perhaps to find creative ways to share meaningful gifts that do not rely on hapless frenzied swarming and pavlovian consumerism.

You could also just shop at

Stay fresh, stay green, Get Wild!

Signed – Julian


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